Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So. Much. Porn.
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