The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
