Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
