Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
