Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
