im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
