just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Green mimosas i think yes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
