Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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