You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
