I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
