oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
