so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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