I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
