i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
