It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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