I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
