its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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