Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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