Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
