Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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