Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
