Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
