paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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