Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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