rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
