I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
