he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
