I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
