I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
