Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
