Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
