I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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