JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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