I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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