I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
