Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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