Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
