first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
