giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
