just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
