Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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