I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
