my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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