can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i will never coherently bang her
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
