you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
