You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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