no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
