I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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