our cab driver is having phone sex.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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