HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
