i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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