There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
