There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
