im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
