This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
